Sick as a Dog
by kittykitty76
Summary: Sirius is ill, but refuses any help. The crew can't figure out what or why. Slightly implied slash, nothing major.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Heh, please, review and tell me what you think.  Please take guesses as to what's wrong with Siri-Baby, I'm totally ready for some feedback.  You can put them on the review board, or e-mail me.  Either way.

Sick as a Dog

"Harry, I told you, I'm fine." Sirius snapped, but he suddenly heaved and retched into the trashcan he clutched tightly.

"You're NOT fine, Sirius!"  Harry replied, standing over his godfather.  "You're sick.  Why won't you go see a doctor?"

"I don't NEED a doctor; it's just that stomach thing that's going around.  You told me yourself, half the Hufflepuffs missed class because of it."  Sirius replied as he slumped against the wall. His face was flushing as he closed his eyes   "I just need peace, quiet, and people to quit nagging me!"  
The two were in the shrieking shack, where Sirius currently resided.  After many months of living in a cave, he finally demanded the chance to live a half-way civilized life, as he'd dreamed of doing for the past 13 years.  Harry spoke to Dumbledore, who had the house put under a nifty little charm-Whenever anyone looked at the house, their attention was immediately diverted to something else- and Sirius lived there quite comfortably with minimal risk of being found by the Ministry of Magic or anyone else.  And now it was much easier for Harry to visit his Godfather.  Harry, Ron and Hermione had managed to set up a few rooms with a bit of furniture and cooking appliances (thanks to Hermione's spiffy transfiguration skills).  The rooms were in disarray at the moment, however-The dishes in the kitchen were unwashed, the living room had throw pillows and an afghan hanging off of the sofa's crooked  and unfluffed cushions, and the bedroom was strewn with dirty clothes, the bedsheets were rumpled and twisted.  Sirius had turned out to be very tidy person ("Because I finally have a place of my own to keep tidy," He declared constantly), and to see the rooms so messy was very discomforting to Harry.

 Harry shrugged.  "You could at least get a potion to stop the nausea."   
  "I'm.  Good.  Just.  Drop it."  He replied through gritted teeth.  "Besides, aren't there still "Wanted" posters of me all over?  If I left the house to go to a healer, I might as well go to the train station first and ask for a one way ticket back to Azkaban.  Maybe, while I'm at it, I could make the Dementors a nice cake to present them as I waltz back into my old cell.  NO, Harry!" 

There was a creak, and they both froze.  Hermione pushed the door to the bedroom open and said "It's just us.  You wouldn't believe how long I had to wait until I could be sure no one saw me go through the Whomping Willow, and the bloody thing got me on the arm…"  Her nose suddenly wrinkled as she got a nice whiff of the room.  "Ugh!  Sirius, are you STILL sick?"  
Sirius sighed and repeated, "It's just the stomach bug."

Ron entered after Hermione, and said, "I thought that was just a 24 hour thing.  I only had to miss two days of classes because of it…  Didn't even get to miss potions… stupid virus…"   
 "He's right."  Hermione said, glaring suspiciously at Sirius. "And you were throwing up LAST week too.  And you look absolutely horrible!"

"SIRIUS!"  Harry snapped, "You're sick!  Listen, you can use my invisibility cloak and go see Madame Pomfrey!"

"At least get into some fresh clothes," Hermione said, going to his drawers and pulling out a clean shirt.  "I'll wash what you're wearing, and I can clean up in here a bit."  
 "I could get you a sandwich."  Ron offered, and Sirius's shoulders heaved as his stomach's contents were once again expelled.  Hermione and Harry glared at Ron, who shrugged.  "I was just trying to help!"  
 Looking up from his trashcan, Sirius snarled "NO!  I DON'T need a doctor, I DON'T need you fussing over me, I DON'T need help…  Why can't you just let me suffer in peace?!?"  
 "Sirius, we were just…"  Harry started, but Sirius said "No! Out, out, out! Now! Leave!"   
  "But…"  
 "NOW!"  He snarled, baring his teeth. 

Hermione tugged on Harry's arm.  "C'mon," she mumbled. To Sirius, she said "We'll leave now, but we're coming back, and we're TELLING Dumbledore!"

"I'll be fine, just leave me alone!" Sirius huffed. "Go, go, go!" 

They walked in silence down the pitch dark path with only small points of light guiding their way through the tunnel back to Hogwarts, and Hermione finally stated the obvious. "There's something wrong with him. Why won't he let us help?"  
Harry shrugged, looking at the ground. "I don't know. He's just being stubborn.  But he's been feeling ill for a few weeks now.  I'm worried.'

'Well, if he won't let us help him, there's not much we can do."  Ron said.  "You got the invisibility cloak, right?"  
 "Yeah." Harry held it out glumly, and as the three got to the end of the tunnel, he draped it over his shoulders and Hermione and Ron scootched next to him so it covered them as well.   
  



	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Heh, please, review and tell me what you think.  Please take guesses as to what's wrong with Siri-Baby, I'm totally ready for some feedback.  You can put them on the review board, or e-mail me.  Either way.

Another A/N-This chapter is short.  Deal with it.

Sick as a Dog, Part 2

Moments later, they were out in the twilight.  It was wet and chilly, with a slow, steady drizzle coming down from the cloudy sky.  When they were sure no one was around, they pushed the cloak off, and Harry folded it up and stuffed it into his bag.  "So what are we going to do?"

"Tell Dumbledore about Sirius, obviously." Hermione said, pulling the collar of her cloak up around her neck, shivering in the cold, wet air.  
 "I thought you were just bluffing!" Ron said.   
 "Why would I be bluffing, you prat?" Hermione snapped. 

"Well, you do it with us all the time, threatening to turn us in to McGonagall!" Harry replied. 

"Nah, mate, she doesn't always bluff with that… Remember the Firebolt?"  
 "See?" Hermione said smugly. "I meant it then, and I mean it now.  But he's sick, and he won't listen to us! Dumbledore could talk some sense into him." 

 "Mmmm.  But you tell him, not us.  I hate it when he's mad at me.  He gets all sulky."   
 "Oh, HONESTLY!" Hermione scoffed as they trudged up the lawn. "You two are impossible, you know that?" 

"Maybe we shouldn't bother Dumbledore quite yet." Ron commented.  "Maybe if we wrote to Lupin or something…"   
 "Yeah!"  Harry declared, "He'll be coming to Hogsmeade in a few weeks anyway, for a 'Werewolves of the World' conference.  We can talk to him then, and get him to talk to Sirius."  
Hermione murmured her disparagement, but couldn't think of a proper argument. "I still think we should tell Dumbledore."  She said, stepping ahead of them, hurrying to get inside.  
 "We'll tell him if Lupin can't talk any sense into him." As they stepped into the great hall, they shook the rain off their cloaks and removed the heavy black capes.  Ron and Harry headed towards the dinner hall, but Hermione went off in the opposite direction.   
 "Oy, aren't you going to eat?" Ron asked.   
 "No, I'm going to the library." Hermione replied.

"She's going to end up just moving into the library before the end of 5th year!" Harry mumbled as they entered the dining hall.  Dinner was almost over, dessert just being served.  The boys sat down between Seamus and Pavarti.    
 "Uh oh…" Ron muttered as he noticed a pair of beady black eyes glaring their way. "Don't look now, mate, but Snape's glaring at us… And not the normal glare of hate.  More like a glare of doom."  
Harry made an effort not to look up from his pudding. "Like the one when he suspected us of replacing the room-deodorizer with decomposed rat brains?" He asked.

"Yep.  Heh… that was classic.  I still want to shake the hand of whatever genius thought of that one!" Ron chortled.

"Yeah, but Snape made us continue having class in the dungeon, despite the smell." Harry pointed out. "It lasted for a month!"

"It was worth it." Seamus broke in.  "I don't think I'd ever seen Snape so mad!"

"It was horrid!" Parvarti said, "It took me days to get that smell out of my robes!" 

"Leave it to a girl to complain about the results of one of the greater pranks of all time… Well, of the pranks not committed by Fred and George." Seamus replied, nodding in the direction of the twins. 

"Really, though, we took the blame for that one," Fred said, "Which wasn't fair… We're not nearly that unimaginative!

"Yes! It's an insult, to think we'd be that basic in one of our pranks…" George replied.

"Why, if we'd wanted to do something like that, we'd first make sure that no one but slimy slytherins could smell it, and then we'd make it utterly permanent."

"Right!" George replied, "Because then, Snape would of course make the class sit in there, thinking he was punishing the Gryffindors or Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs who did the deed by making them suffer the smell, but he'd never realize that only his and his favorites's olfactory senses are being overwhelmed by the stench!"


	3. Part 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Heh… Heh heh… Read, review, tell me honestly, exactly what you think… OOooh, I had fun with this chapter…

Sick as a Dog, Part 3

*Two weeks later*  
 

It was Saturday morning, and Harry was thrilled. He didn't have to get up for classes, he didn't have Quidditch practice until that evening… He could spend a nice few leisurely hours in bed.  As he rolled over, planning on falling asleep again, there was the sound of footsteps, and suddenly, his curtains were gone. "Auuugh!" He screamed, shielding his eyes from the sunlight.   
"Get up!" Hermione said impatiently. "You were supposed to meet me downstairs 30 minutes ago!"  
"It's SATURDAY, Hermione!... And you're not supposed to be here!" He sat up, clutching his covers to him-Of all the nights to sleep in nothing but his cartoon broomsticks boxers! 

"We're going to Hogsmeade, remember? To see Professor Lupin?" She said. "Get up, now!" She turned away, and went to pester Ron.  Harry quickly grabbed his trousers and pulled them on while her back was turned.   
"Out, now, please." Harry said to Hermione once Ron was up. "This IS the boy's dorm!"  
"Gladly." Hermione said, attempting to stifle a giggle as she got a look at Ron's "Bulgarian Beaters" PJ's.

Soon Harry and Ron stumbled downstairs, and Hermione said "Come on, we're going."  
"What about breakfast?" Ron protested.   
"We'll get something at Sirius's."

"You know, I think Sirius really did look a lot better when we saw him the other day." Harry commented. "Maybe he's not sick anymore." 

"He wasn't throwing up, but did you notice how tired he was, and how he was still looking quite pale." Hermione asked.   
"He's gained weight, though.  That's good, right?" Ron asked. "I mean, he's basically got a beer belly."  
"It's not probable that he could have gained that much weight between now and a few weeks ago, not from just food.  Harry… I think Sirius has cancer." Hermione said, looking quite upset.

"What?!?" Harry stopped short.   
"I mean, from the studies I've done, it's a perfectly logical explanation…  He was ill earlier, his complexion is still horrible, he's terribly lethargic, all he does is sleep… and that "beer belly" is probably a tumor, and he's been ill for about two months now, it can't be a virus."   
"Yes, but… cancer?" Harry looked horrorstricken. "Hermione… it CAN'T be!"    
"What's the problem?" Ron asked. "It's not like it'll kill him."  
Hermione smacked Ron in the back of the head. "Yes it will!!!"   
"OW!... No, it won't! All he has to do is go to a healer, and they'll get rid of it, no problem! We're not living in the middle ages, Hermione!  You're supposed to be the smart one!"  
"They can get rid of cancer?" Harry asked, awestruck. "Wow! That's nice to know!"   
"Really?" Hermione looked intrigued, and then she said "But… if he won't GO to a healer, it's still a problem."  
"Oh… right." Ron said, looking down. "Well… Lets talk to Lupin. He'll figure something out."  
 

Severus, meanwhile, strode quickly down the lawn of Hogwarts.  He'd witnessed Potter and his little gang of hooligans coming out of the Whomping Willow twice in the last three weeks, and finally, he had time to properly investigate without risk of anyone seeing him.  Draco Malfoy had turned out to be worse than useless, he reflected, and now he had to take matters into his own hands. 

God bless Hogsmeade weekends, he thought to himself as he prodded the secret knob and entered the tree.  He had a queer grin on his face as he imagined what he might find-Perhaps they were using the shack for drinking, or smoking, or using hallucinogenic potions… Perhaps it was some sort of sexual rendezvous point… He groaned suddenly as unpleasant images filled his head.  "Fudge, Lockhart and whipped cream… Fudge, Lockhart and whipped cream!" He muttered to himself, trying to envision something sexy to replace the horrific images of his pupils. 

But despite the going-ons of his mind, he knew they were doing something wrong-He just KNEW it!  And he would catch them, and they would be kicked out of Hogwarts, finally, and life would be good…

Soon enough he was in the shack, and he heard low moans. "Oh, by Merlin…" He muttered angrily. "It had to be that…" nevertheless, he marched up the stairs towards the sounds, and slammed the door open violently, and found… Not a threesome of Gryffindors, but Sirius Black, curled up on a rumpled bed. "OH, THANK GOD, it's just you!" Severus shouted happily, and then... "Black! What are you doing here?"  This hadn't been what he wanted.  He despised the man, and as much as he'd love to turn him in to the Ministry of Magic and let him continue to rot in Azkaban, he knew Black was being protected by Dumbledore.  And Severus would follow Dumbledore's wishes, despite his own wants.   

Sirius was curled into a tight ball, and he lifted his head, his face twisted with agony.  He did not answer, but his expression flashed from confusion to hatred to a cold, schooled, blank expression.

"Where's Potter?!?" Severus demanded.

"Couldn't… say… AUUUGH!" Sirius screamed, clutching his abdomen, twisting in pain.  Snape only watched.  The man appeared to be dying.  This might not be such a bad day, after all, Severus thought, his lips threatening to twitch into a smile.   

"SNAPE!... Severus!" Sirius moaned, reaching out a hand. "Severus… Please help me! Please!"

Snape continued to gaze down at the suffering man. He did not say a word, he did not move.

"I need… Dumbledore.  Bring Dumbledore to me! Severus, please!" He pleaded.

Severus turned, his black capes billowing(Billow billow billow billow TURN!), the light glaring off his horribly shiny hair, and he left the room. 


	4. Part 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-YAY for short cliffhangers!!!  I really am a bitch, aren't I? *Evil cackle*

Sick as a Dog, Part 4

"Where's the conference being held, Harry?" Hermione asked as they entered the main street of Hogsmeade, passing by the shrieking shack.  

"Hogs Head.  Only place that would let a bunch of known werewolves congregate."  Harry replied.    
Malfoy, who was doing as he was told and keeping an ear open, started. "Werewolves?" He mumbled to himself.  He was following a bit behind them, trying to look like he was minding his own business.  
"Do you know how to get there?" She asked. "I've never been past the main row."

"Yeah, I do," Ron replied, "But can't we get breakfast first?"  
"Oh, for God's sake…" She pulled out her wand, picked up a rock, and with a "Aran tethius!" transfigured it into a scone.  "There.  Happy?" She asked, shoving it into his hand and nodding to a passing Neville.   
"…Could you transfigure me some oatmeal as wel-"

"NO!" 

Malfoy strode quickly up and bumped his shoulder against Ron's as he passed, forcing him to drop his half-eaten scone. "Watch it, Weasely." He spat. 

"You made me drop my breakfast!" Ron snarled angrily.

"And I suppose that was more food than your family generally has in a month." 

"Shut it, Malfoy!" Hermione snapped.   
"Was I talking to you, Mudblood?"  
Both Harry and Ron were advancing to pound Malfoy when they all heard a horrible sound came from the shrieking shack.  It sounded like a dog's howl mixed with human screams, not that much different from the horrific howls heard not 20 years before on every full moon.

Ron, Harry and Hermione's heads all whipped to the shack.  Hermione let out a shrill sort of whine as Harry declared in a horrified voice "We're too late!"  
"You two go, I'll run fetch Lupin!" Ron declared as he shot off in the direction of Hogs Head.

Malfoy watched as Hermione and Harry sprinted up the street, thinking  "It looks like they're headed to that hou…" And his head suddenly whipped around and he thought "Oy, Neville's looking sexy today. Wait. What? Where did that come from?!?!?"  
Hermione and Harry only faltered slightly when they heard the horrified screams of Draco Malfoy as the boy slapped at his own head, trying to get the demon thoughts out. 

A/N-Refer back to chapter one for an explanation of Malfoy's deamon thoughts.  *Evil cackle that ends in a hacking cough*


	5. part 6Heh, yeah, part 6 comes before par...

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Well, just to screw with your microscopic little minds, I've decided to put this part first, depite the fact that this comes after the next scene.  Don't worry, other than general timeline placements, it won't give away anything, but yeah… heh, now you still have to wait to find out exactly what's wrong with Siri-Baby!

Sick as a Dog, Part 5

*Meanwhile, at the Hogs Head Pub…*  
"Look, I HAVE to get in there!  It's an emergency!" Ron said to the guy at the entrance.

"You ain't on the list, you ain't getting' in!" The ugly, troll-like man said.   
"You don't get it!" Ron cried angrily, "A guy who's in there, his friend is dying, and he needs to know!"  
"You ain't on the list, you ain't getting in!" Was the reply.

"CAN YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE?!??" Ron burst angrily.

"You ain't on the list, you ain't getting in!"  
"AUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!"

A middle-aged woman poked her head out, and looked at Ron.  "Don't mind him.  Are you here for the conference?"   
"No, I'm trying to get in to…"  
"Are you a werewolf?" The woman asked, cutting him off.

"What? No, but listen,  I need to get in…"  
"OY! I found someone who can handle our silver sickles and pay for our drinks!" The woman yelled into the room, and was met with loud cheering.

Ron was dragged in, and tried to explain his purpose, but people were holding out their purses and pouches for him to take their sickles. "They won't take that many knuts, and they can't change galleons." An elderly man explained as he dumped his changepurse's contents into Ron's hands.   
Ron, who didn't want to risk his mortality by defying a group of drunk werewolves, was forced to pay for their drinks one by one, but continued to scan the crowd for Remus Lupin.  It was a good hour from when they'd originally heard the howls to when Ron finally found the man, leaning back in a chair and chatting idly with a man about 20 years older than him.  
"Ah, me lad, I wasn'a in me right mind at the time, o'course, we did'na have the treatments…"   
"I don't blame you, my good man, I shouldn't have been in that part of the woods anyway.  Poster child of "Why to listen to your children," eh?" Remus said, holding up his butterbeer bottle.   
"Professor Lupin!" Ron cried in relief.

"…Ron? What are you doing here? You're not a…"  
"Professor, we have to go!" Ron burst, "It's Snuffles!"  
"Yes, I stopped and spoke with him last night.  You lot were right, he's looking rather peaked, but I don't know what I can…"  
"We heard him screaming!" Ron cut him off, "We were on the road, and we could hear his howls from the house!  It's something bad, Professor!"   
Lupin was up in an instant, and the two ran out of the pub, much to the disappointment of the crowd.  "'Ooos' going to pay for our drinks, then?!?"

A/N-Remember, the next part happens before this.  Not after, before.  Do you think you can handle that?


	6. Part 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Remember, this happens BEFORE the last chapter.  Not after, before.  Yeah, I'm just having fun dragging this out as long as possible. 

Sick as a Dog, Part 5

*Meanwhile, as we last left our hero's at the shrieking shack…*

"Sirius!"  Harry burst into the bedroom and found the wailing man.  "Sirius, what's wrong?!?"  
Hermione, who was not nearly as athletic as Harry, came in a few moments later, breathing heavily.  She gave an exclamation when she saw the state he was in.  "You… look like… you're… dying…" She gasped, trying to catch her breath. "We… heard you… all the way… from… the street…"  
Sirius moaned and turned to look at them.  "I don't suppose there's any chance of you chaps leaving me alone now?"  
"Damn it, Sirius, we're getting help!  In fact, Ron's just gone to get Lupin."  
"He's getting… NO!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. "NO, he can't… Remus can't see me like this, it's too humiliating!"  
"He's coming." Hermione snapped, "So I suggest you get over whatever pride issue's your dealing with.  There's no shame in being sick, Sirius!" 

"We don't want you to die!"  Harry added.  "You're my Godfather, and you're my friend!  Please let us help you!"   
"You don't understa… ahhhhhh…" He said, clutching his abdomen and moaning again. 

"Maybe we could understand if you'd explain it to us." Harry replied. 

Sirius closed his eyes, sweat dripping off of his nose.  "Well, I suppose you're going to find out soon enough… I've never told anyone this… Never, ever.  You must swear never to tell ANYONE, and if you laugh at me, I will personally make your lives a living hell…  I never thought I'd have to tell... You know that… when a person becomes an animagus, they can't choose what animal they become."  
"The animal is based on their inner traits." Hermione finished.

"Well… there are other things besides species that they can't choose as well." Sirius told them.

"Like what?" Harry asked, confused.  Sirius did not answer right away, as he was once again wracked with pain.

"Well, I wasn't able to pick things like size," He said after a few minutes, "color… gender…  markings …"  
"Gender…You mean you transfigure into a…" Harry asked, his mouth wide open in shock.

"You can say it…  A bitch."  Sirius said, looking like he wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

"…Really?  Fascinating."  Hermione said, contemplating this notion.  "…But what does this have to do with your illness?"  
"I'm not ILL, Hermione."  Sirius told her.  "I'm…  I'm having puppies."  
Harry turned pink and had to leave the room for a minute, while Hermione gave a sort of choking noise and ended up coughing for three minutes straight.   
"You poor thing…" She said finally, coming over to him and rubbing his back.  Her face was pink, and she was trying very hard not to laugh.  "It's all right, I'm just… well, I'm relieved, I thought you were dying of cancer."  
Harry came back into the room, and did not look amused.  'There are just some images I DON'T want in my mind.' He thought, but said "What can I do to help?"  
"Don't. Let. Lupin. In!" Sirius demanded.  
"Not going to happen, Sirius." Harry replied.  "He'll be here, like it or not."  
"Noooo…" Sirius wailed, partially in frustration, partially in pain.

Hermione was sitting, contemplating, and she finally said "Well.. Sirius, tell me, you're in labor now, correct?"

"YES!" Was the frustrated reply.  "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"  
"I'll ignore that comment… And… I'm assuming that you are currently… um… all… all male.  No special anatomy or anything."  
"Yes, thank Merlin! If my human form had turned woman as well, I'd have killed myself!"  
"Well… don't you think that it might be logical for you to turn into your female dog form?  Otherwise, those puppies aren't going anywhere, and no doubt you want this to be over with as soon as possible."  
"Er…" Sirius felt very stupid at that moment. "That makes sense…"   
And the Grim labored on, dreading the looming confrontation with the Werewolf.     
  



	7. Part 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter(yet), and I am not profiting off of him in any way… If anything, I'm losing money to the bastard, as I'm forced to continue buying books and movies and blatant merchandising because he put those friggin' spells IN his books to control all the world's muggles… But one day he may belong to me, and perhaps then I will put him in one of my Camden Town whorehouses and rent him out a shilling a time… THEN the profits will be rolling in, and finally, finally, I will be able to afford my own leather bound copies of the original British HP novels! HA! GO ME!

'Nother disclaimer-I don't own To Rule Them All2 or Jekyll and Hyde The Musical either.

A/N-Heh, please, review and tell me what you think.  So… what'd you think?  C'mon, you know you want to say! 

Another A/N-This is SO the end… Maybe.  I dunno, there may be a sequel next time I have a break.  Well, enjoy!

Another another A/N: Actually, there will be a sequel.  And what a sequel it will be, hehehehehehehehe… I'm in the process of writing it, but thanks to my lovely Spring Term workload, I don't know when I'll have enough to start posting.  We'll see, I've been working on it sporadically.

Sick as a Dog, Part end… sort of. 

Ron and Lupin burst into the Shrieking Shack, and ran up the stairs, but were stopped by Hermione.

"Listen… We found out what exactly was wrong with Sirius." She said slowly, blocking the door to his bedroom.

"…Come on, Hermione, let us in." Ron said, trying to push past her, but she would not budge.   
 "Not yet!" Hermione said, "Listen… He's fine now, but… Ok, I can let you in only if you promise not to laugh, or scream, or anything of the sort.  What's in there is… well, quite shocking… and…  Well, please don't upset Sirius."  
 "Of course not!" Lupin said softly.  "But Hermione, what's happened?"  
"Well… He had… I mean, there are… I…" She tried to find the proper words to explain it, but couldn't.  "Oh… fine, just… go in."  She said, opening the door and following the two men in.

"HOLY HORKLUMPS!" Ron burst, staring in utter shock at the black dog lying on the bed, head in Harry's lap, with three squeaking pups snuggled up next to them.  "Sirius?!?  Is that you?"  
Harry nodded, and the dog gave a short affirmative bark before nudging his… er, I mean her… um… the pups gently.

"Blimey, you're a bloody transvest-OW!  HERMIONE!"   
 "You're impossible!"  Hermione growled. 

Remus looked shocked, but was smart enough to not voice his every thought.  "Is this the product of some sort of hex?"  
 Harry explained the whole situation, stroking Sirius behind the ears, as Hermione helped Sirius clean the pups.  

"Sorry 'bout that, mate, but it was a bit shocking." Ron said, patting Sirius on the head once Harry was finished and sitting down next to the bed.

Lupin sighed softly and looked Sirius in the eye.  "Well, it's at least comforting to know that we were wrong when we thought you were dying.  You're doing all right now, though?"

"He's fine.  Just exhausted."  Harry replied. 

Sirius was fussing over his pups, "Two girls, one boy." Hermione declared.  After one of the pups was finished eating, the Grim grudgingly allowed them to hold it.

"Ooooh, he's such a sweetie, Sirius!" Hermione said as she cuddled the pup.  "Can he be mine?"  
Sirius let out a deep guttural growl, and Hermione smiled.  "Only joking.  I know you wouldn't want to give them up.'  
Sirius went to washing the remaining two as Hermione, Lupin, Ron and Harry examined the other.  All three were various shades of  black and brown, with rather bristly fur rather than the soft coat of Sirius.  "They're certainly a mixed breed," Lupin said, examining the puppy closely with a smile, "But I can't tell WHAT the other breed is… A German Shepard, maybe?"    
 "Oh, no…" Hermione said, picking up another pup.  "They're half wolf.  Just look at the snout…" She trailed off, looking first at the puppy, then at Lupin, and Sirius last.  Lupin's eyebrows were raised in silent shock, and Sirius had his eyes covered with his paws, whining.

"Harry, Ron, I just remembered some homework we forgot to do!"  Hermione squeaked, putting the puppy down next to his sisters, grabbing her friends hands and yanking them out of the room.  
 Hermione pulled them down the hall frantically, ignoring their confused protests.  As they were leaving the house, they heard Lupin scream "ALL THIS TIME, EVERY FULL MOON, THAT DOG… IT WAS YOU?!?!?!?"  
 Hermione continued to pull on Harry and Ron's hands as Ron sniggered uncontrollably and Harry speculated on the cost of a Pensive, as he did NOT want the thought of Lupin and Sirius going through his head.  


End file.
